He remembers the first time he made love to her, though neither of them called it that. It was late one night, in her parents’ house, an empty house for the weekend, and he seems to remember that they were both drunk. Maybe that's why he did it.

It wasn't supposed to go the way it did, but alcohol and adrenaline had gotten the best of him before. It started with a kiss, she kissed back. Then hands, four of them, exploring, same as usual. Then his hands stopped for a moment, decided that clothes got in the way, and went to work removing obstacles. Now they were two naked drunk kids in the dark, running hands over parts of each other they'd never seen in the light.

Then he went to work on her, he enjoyed making her happy, and he knew his way around. She had said to him the first time, "Let's find my G-spot". It had shocked him a bit then, but proved helpful in the long run. But now that he was drunk he had to admit that he was getting sick of this one way street all the time. Maybe that's why he did it.

She was a virgin, he knew that for sure, and even he wasn't as experienced as he led his boys to believe. So maybe it was frustration, youthful exuberance, or just too much fucking alcohol. At any rate, he let his hand stop and he climbed on top of her. She said no, but he was a don't-take-no-for-an-answer type of guy. Plus, she didn't really know what she was talking about, how could she reject anything if she didn't even know what she was turning down. He knew; blank happiness, rivaled only by that almost deadly dose of heroin he let himself be talked into once.

It wasn't too hard, she almost didn't even resist that much. She was saying no, but…. The nos and stops got less frequent as he continued, then faded into moans, and he faded too, lost in what he was doing. When he finished he laid there on his back in the dark, thought he heard her crying once quietly, leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, thought "fuck that bitch," rolled over and went to sleep, still naked, sweaty on top of the covers that she had bound herself up in.

He'd wake up with a killer hangover, but all these years later he didn't remember that.