cut

i cut deep into my leg
to make the pain go away.
she didnt have to leave me,
she didnt have to make things
sound so fucking difficult
between us.
i wasnt that wrong for her.
i wasnt the one who
made her hate herself.
i wasnt the one who
gave her nightmares,
and caused her to wake at night
scared that she wasnt alone
in her own bedroom.
i was the one who
tried to prop her up,
but who ultimately
let her down.
i was the one she blamed,
and now i blame myself
as i cut deeply into my leg
to make the pain go away.