it was an egg. he was pretty sure. though he didnt know why the hell it was here, on the shoulder of the road, in the middle of the desert, in the middle of fucking nowhere. he knew why he was here, and he still wasnt happy about it. theyd better fucking come back and pick him up. this shit wasnt cool, and it wasnt funny anymore either. but he knew his friends too. he knew they wouldnt turn around until they got somewhere, and lord only knew how long that might take. theyd eat, just cause they knew he was hungry, then maybe theyd come back, taking their own sweet time, pick him up, and not stop for food again for hours, cause they just ate. but at least now he had this egg. and he was pretty sure it was an egg now. he had picked it up, was fondling it, rolling it around in his palm, and it wasnt a rock at least. it was a fucking egg. and he was gonna crack it on somebody's head. he wondered if it would crack. was it hard boiled? tough to boil and egg in the desert. but maybe it was boiled, and it had like rolled out of a bag or something, maybe when somebody pulled off to pee in the desert. and now somebody was short one hard boiled egg. or maybe it wasnt a traditional chicken egg. was it the egg of some giant reptilian beast? with fangs, and scales, and big bulbous eyes? he bet it was. hed throw it at them when they came back to pick him up, and some little scaly green thing just now ready to hatch would pop out and bite the shit out of somebody's nose before scampering out into the desert sand. and hed be able to say 'serves you right' and itd make for a kick ass story when they all got home, back east. but he was still stuck here, in the west, and for all he knew their headlights were still pointed east, hours ahead of him by now. should he try to hitchhike. in what car? there hadnt been one yet. just dust, and egg, and a tumbleweed or two. he was hot. he didnt like hot. everything was sweating. he didnt wanna be that guy, with sweat stains in odd places. bastards. hurry up. this walking in the desert thing sucked. he was tired. maybe hed sit down. hed get all dusty though. he didnt care. he sat down. the egg broke. he saw a cloud of dust headed his way from the east, a chrysler's grill leading the way. he watched the contents of the egg seep into a crack in the dry ground. hurry up. im hungry. fuckin egg.

the biller and dan
play soccer on the x box
all fucking night long

all i wanna do
is play some fucking football
before my bed time

but no, instead this,
writing haikus on bloggers
the fury rises

and so i will end
threatening the two of them
with killer spiders

(which ive tucked into
their mattresses, and given
permission to bite).

again, i feel the need to reiterate that this is indeed fiction, so dont go making assumptions, those two of you who read this shit.

it was a blustery day. ok, so im lying. it wasnt blustery at all. i guess there was a slight wind out of the southwest, though i dont know which way southwest is, but it seems that thats where breezes come from, so im gonna go with it. and it was spring, may maybe. and this young gent was getting out of school for the day, and she asked him if he wanted to come over. and so of course this was one of those like butterfly in the stomach moments, one of those where you have to say yes or be forever scarred cause you blew it and she was hot moments. so he said yes, and she lived close by, well kind of close by, but after all wasnt the walking with the girl part one of the best parts anyway. so they walked that way. and nobody was home, work or some such shit and all, and so our protagonist here (the young gent) is at this point getting excited right, cause maybe he'll get to make out with her for a while on like her parents bed or something, which is solid at his age, something to brag about later. and so for a couple minutes theres awkwardness right, that 'we both wanna do the same thing, but dont want to admit to it right away' awkwardness, which takes a minute or two to get over, but which she fixes by sitting down next to him on the couch, and so now hes gotta kiss her right, cause she kinda made the first move? so he does, and she kisses back, which is good. step one- check! now for step two, the bedroom thing. so after a minute he just kind of gets up, and asks her, 'so wheres your bedroom?" and she looks at him kinda weird, and it strikes him how ballsy this question is, and he wonders where it came from. but she gets up too, and walks past him, and grabs his hand on the way by, and pulls him back to the bedroom. and he sees the pictures on the way by, the family pictures, full of folks he doesnt know mostly, but shes there too a couple times. and then there they are, but its not her room. 'this isnt your room' he tells her. its her parents room. wow, he figured itd be tougher to get her here. the parents room. step two- check! and she hops up on the bed. and he does too. and then hes not sure how it happened, but theyre both there and theyre both naked. odd how it happened, hes not quite sure. and then he remembers afterward, and how the awkwardness was back, but again he was unsure why. and he remembers she told him, 'you probably shouldnt stay. somebodyll be home pretty soon' and so he left, and walked back to the school, by himself this time, and called his parents for a ride. hed see her at school and hed talk to her, but still that awkwardness, and nobody noticed, because teenagers act like that, weird for no apparent reason. all on an unblustery may day. maybe.