ok so he really didnt have a snaggle tooth, he is just a complainer, the doctor says he does it for attention.

i am a sabre toothed tiger
with big fangs
and one snaggle sabre tooth.
okay, so the snaggle tooth
gets me teased by other tigers.
but my mama says it adds character.
i say it makes it hard to look fierce,
and without that, what good is a sabre toothed tiger.
plus its hard to rip shit to shreds,
and again, what are we tigers for
if not for ripping shit to shreds.
but at least ive got a lot of character,
at least according to mom,
and one big snaggle tooth.
grrrr.

my new ending, since apparently the whole three-leg thing isnt all that popular.

...and so we get back to the house, and i can take off my ninja mask and check out my horrible mashed hair and the kick ass red mark across my forehead from where i tied the shirt/ninja mask so tight. and im staring at these two things in the mirror when she calls me into the kitchen, where the puppers is sitting on top of the table, staring at us contently, ass still wagging despite the fact that its sitting down. 'what' i ask, secretly a bit peeved she made me leave the mirror. and she points, and i see that the little happy puppy is just peeing like a champ; this huge puddle is enveloping the whole table and is now like spilling down onto the floor too, but it looks so happy, the puppy, that who really has the heart to tell it to stop, or even be like kind of mad at it, so we both just watch the puddle get bigger for a minute. and then she turns to me, and gives me a great big sloppy kiss on the cheek, and looks at me with a great big goofy grin, and i just figure that all is right with the world, even if the kitchen table and floor are covered in this little puppy's puddle.

under cover of darkness we snuck off. roughly six doors down and around one corner, the pile of puppies played in their pen. wed see them swating each other with little paws in the afternoon, hear them whimper late at night. at last we had had enough. it was time to steal one and make it ours. so we dressed the part of course; midnight bandits set to quietly snatch our prize. i dressed in black from head to toe, all the better to sneak by. the head covering was a bit of a problem. i was going for the whole ninja mask thing with a t-shirt, you know, where your eyes look out through the neck hole, and the sleeves tie in the back of your head to keep the thing on, but i kept getting my head stuck in an arm-hole, and then of course i couldnt see anything and id almost fall over and have to take the whole damn thing of and start over again. but finally i got it right, and after admiring my handiwork in the mirror of a well lit bathroom, we headed out to creep and steal. she of course had on a similar outfit, but since mine was more exciting we need not go into detail on her attire. well, so anyhow, after taking that nice long gander at myself in the mirror, and flexing once or twice, to see if wearing black made me look buffer (it did) we headed out. a bit of a problem at first as i couldnt see a damn thing due to that whole light-to-dark transition and all, but so after standing in the dark for like 10 minutes i could at least make out vague shapes, and so down the street we headed. good shape for those first six doors. then of course came the corner, it too was fine for a moment, but then the car came and totally caught me off guard. so i was stuck, right in the high beams, half way between stand-there-and-hope-they-dont-see-you and run-like-hell-and-hide-you-jackass, so basically my arms up in running position, but me not moving, kind of like a deer in said headlights, and so the car like slows down and stares at me in my ninja getup, but keeps going at least. she was in the bushes hiding of course, cause shes smarter and quicker than i. but we did finally get to the fenced in yard where the little puppies were stationed. and i could see them, even in the low light, wagging the little tailless asses in anticipation of play time or something. and so i went to hop over the fence, you know, it wasnt too high, so i figured i could make it with a little hop with the hands on top of the fence. good idea, except for that whole foot-gets-caught-on-fence-top-and-so-i-plummet-to-the-ground-thing. i landed with a big 'oof', which concerned me for a minute as it was really a big 'OOF!' and was almost loud enough for the neighbors to hear, but apparently none did, as i saw no lights, and so everything was cool. so by this point im kind of battered and bruised, and sweating profusely, cause all this black shit in the summer is fucking hot, even if it is dark out, and im pretty sure theres suspicious people about, what with the car driving by and catchng me diddling myself and the loud 'oof' and all, so i just ups and grabs me a pupper, the first one around, who gives a little half bark as i lift and swing it towards her on the other side of the fence. she takes said pupper from me and immediately stars to make little baby puppy noises and cuddle with the thing, which i decide is a bit unnecessary at this point and i tell her so, at which point a rather sizeable dispute breaks out with name calling and overly loud 'sssshhhh'es and me about to panic cause dude the cops have got to be on the way by now, at which point it occurs to me how good i must still look in the ninja suit, and so i kind of smile to myself as she cntinues to let me have it, which would really make her mad, me smiling, but which she cant see cause of the whole ninja mask, which makes me smile more, cause seriously how brilliant was that. well so finally i apologize like forty times and she succumbs to my whimpered pleas to please lets get the hell out of here, and we make of down the street again, this time with puppy in tow, and now no cars to light me up unannounced, which is good. and so we get back to the house, and i can take off my ninja mask and check out my horrible mashed hair and the kick ass red mark across my forehead from where i tied the shirt/ninja mask so tight. and im staring at these two things in the mirror when she calls me into the kitchen, where the puppers is sitting on top of the table, staring at us contently, ass still wagging despite the fact that its sitting down. 'what' i ask, secretly a bit peeved she made me leave the mirror. and she points, and i see that the little happy puppy has only three legs. so we named him tripod, like everybody else with a three legged pet does, and he now lives in the back yard. his ass still wags a lot.

she came bursting out of the front door at a run, both hands over her face, but tears streaming out around them anyway. she was mad, more mad then anything else, she knew better than to be crying because she was sad. she didnt get sad anymore, not over him. been there, done that, it had never made her feel any better. but she was mad. fuckin pissed was more like it. she had hung up on him, and he had come over anyhow, in an attempt to be sweet and clear his name she guessed. she wasnt having it. she tried telling him to leave. he didnt listen. he never did. he was one of those 'bitch dont tell me what to do' types. she didnt know why she was still with him. she was pretty sure she didnt even like him anymore. he was more frustrating than anything else. but something wouldnt let her leave. was that love? not being able to leave. or was she just a coward? scared to be alone. she hated him now. didnt want to see him ever again. he had fucked up. so she ran. she was halfway down the street now, slowing some. her hands were off her face now, except when she wiped tears. she heard him coming now, heard the truck backing out, a slight screech of the tires. what the fuck was he thinking? hung up on, and run out on, and still hes gonna fucking follow her. she kept running. she was really pissed off now. shed fucking show him. she ran faster though, hoping to maybe just get far enough away to avoid it altogether. but she knew that wouldnt work, she could hear his truck speeding her way. fucking bastard. fucking stupid bastard. goddamn cant listen to a fucking thing. thats why this relationship is in the toilet to begin with. stupid stubborn mother fucker. here it came, his truck, f-250, big fat fucking tires, and one ugly fucking bedliner, toolbox too. and here it came, almost beside her, and she could see his head hanging a bit out the window as she turned her head back his way. she could her him screaming at her as he caught up. he was pissed too, screaming 'fuck you you crazy bitch' and the like. he was gonna speed on by, cursing her as he went. and then hed call back in like an hour and a half and apologize. well fuck that. so she turned, and flung herself in front of the truck. he saw too late, but he couldnt have stopped anyway, thats how she planned it. hell be fucking sorry now dammit. fuck an hour and a half.

i came;
i saw;
then i turned around and ran like hell cause what i saw scared the shit out of me.