faces in the dark

we stayed awake one night,
and sat in the dark
occasionally talking.
i made faces that you couldnt see,
and imagined you doing the same.
i smiled every time i did it,
and every time you talked to me,
and every time you reached out
and touched my arm.
i wanted to feel that grip
forever,
even though i knew it couldnt last.
and i wanted to feel those eyes,
reaching out for me
across the darkness,
looking for the person
i couldnt be in the light.
i felt more myself in the darkness.
and i hope you felt more of me too.

to run

i wanted to run away.
i never did.
and i doubt i ever will.
but i still imagine it,
and it has a hill,
and a couple sheep,
or goats,
and someone to keep me company.
beyond that all is vague.
but i wanted to run
to somewhere else
and someone new,
even though you
always made me feel at home.

name

she always called me by my middle name.
i called her "toes".
she had nice toes.
and she never wore closed toed shoes
if she didnt have to.
there were other things about her
that i really liked.
like her smile,
and the way her hair smelled
when she'd collapse on me
and it would be in my face.
my favorite thing was her laugh.
not her toes.
but still i called her "toes"
because it seemed a better nickname.
even if she never really liked it.
i dont like my middle name either.
maybe thats what did us in.

solution

all i ever asked her to do
was leave me the hell alone,
and even that should couldnt listen to.
now im stuck with her
in my thoughts after the lights
go out,
and i cant keep her voice
from shaking me
in the shower every morning.
she always says the same thing,
and its never been what i wanted to hear.
tomorrow i begin trying
to drink her out of my mind.
or at least drink someone else into it.

sunday

i promised her id cry when she left,
but when the time came
i stared blankly out the window
and watched her car disappear around the corner.
then i made a sandwich,
and wondered if i should feel bad
about eating right then.
i couldnt decide if the pain was
hunger or something else.
i ate that sandwich
and fell asleep on the couch.

apology

i just wanted to see her tongue ring.
i swear.
the fact that she showed me her thong is immaterial.
i wouldnt have even looked,
but im a man,
and we cant help these things.
im sure genetics are involved somehow.
but i digress-
no i did not remember the paper towels.
should i go back?
i didnt think so.